Nick Cannon may have contemplated suicide ... calling 2020 the most "f***ed up year I've ever witnessed," talking about his friend who took his own life.
Cannon was in "dark contemplation of continuing my physical existence on this planet," and admiring his friend who "had the balls to do it."
Nick recounted the story of Ryan Bowers who was shot in his own home last year by a San Diego cop. Ryan was in a coma for months and fought hard, re-learning basic functions like walking.
Ryan seemed to rebound, but Ryan was hurting, whispering to Nick, "Everything still hurts."
Nick says, "I can't help but think if I wasn't so engulfed in my own bulls*** I could've been there for you when you finally took your life after several attempts ...F*** this place!! #CantWin #ForLosing 🙏".